-
Re: writing challenge 4-17
I love the tone to this, you have a unique poetic voice. The only thing I was unsure of was this: Love always accompanies self deceit you sang. This line ...
Jan 25, 2008 -
Re: At least call me, mon amour
Great work, yet again. I think the final stanza, being shorter than the rest, and sounding so final, really summed up the poem. Also the imagery, particularly at the beginning, ...
Jan 25, 2008 -
Re: November light
This is an interesting idea. I like how you used personification to make the light seem like it feels like an outcast. The idea reminds me a little of November ...
Jan 25, 2008 -
Re: DO NOT RED
I could go through all the grammatical errors here, and I will return if you really want me to. You seem to switch from third to first person which makes ...
Jan 18, 2008 -
Re: temptation
Two p's in appreciation. I really like this. It's short, simple, but at the same time very descriptive. Also it's not too short - it doesn't leave us hanging. It ...
Jan 18, 2008 -
Re: I Am Who I Am
Right, I'll just get the technical bits out of the way - you put a couple of capital letters in there in random places, and this line - "won't change ...
Jan 18, 2008 -
Re: Prisoners
I like the similes you used in this poem. However, I think you could extend these a little. For example, in the first line you compare prisoners to rainbows, and ...
Jan 18, 2008 -
Re: Teenage Chameleon
I like this. The title is a great concept, and I think you could incorporate that animal, chameleon imagery into the poem, because it's a good comparison. Not sure about ...
Jan 7, 2008 -
Re: Untitled Pantoum
Ooh, what an interesting format. Sounds a little difficult, I like how it gets all wrapped up in the last stanza, though. Knowing that it's supposed to follow a set ...
Jan 6, 2008 -
Re: Vision
The style of this poem isn't something I would normally read, but I like it, and you did it well. It reminded me of the Ancient Mariner in it's style ...
Jan 6, 2008 -
Re: Darkness around
I hate seeing so many topics unanswered, so I'm bringing this up to flex my critting muscles. :) Below I have just corrected some things and put some suggestions. Night ...
Jan 6, 2008 -
Re: Gorgon
I like this. Just a couple of things: "they can’t not harm she says" - Shouldn't this be "they cannot harm she says"? Because it's a double negative, and doesn't ...
Jan 6, 2008 -
Re: A silver spoon to fill in the blanks
I love the first stanza of this. The imagery is great, and I love the tone of the poem. One thing I would say is that "Away from me, go," ...
Jan 6, 2008 -
Re: Atrophy For Lovers, Amorphy For Others
This sounds really great in my head. Particularly the last stanza - great imagery, sounds wonderful. The last line, as well. Sorry this comment isn't overly helpful :P But good ...
Dec 7, 2007 -
Re: Good Enough
This is by no means an original idea, it is rather cliché, and you should experiment with your writing style to make it your own. That's not to say that ...
Sep 19, 2007
